Female awfulness is keeping me home today… I won’t go addict on the computer, I won’t. >_< http://formspring.me/gambolputty
July 28, 2011
May 18, 2011
February 3, 2011
Yeah… when my dad started forcing me to call ‘just-hanging-out’ with a guy a ‘date’. He freaking forced me to date. (He might still be doing that but hopefully he’s forgotten… I’m seriously hoping he’s forgotten. I don’t want to go on a date with someone that I don’t like.)
No, I’m Darlene. I don’t know that I like the label ‘religious’… just because I think a certain way and feel a certain way about something- I mean, I am very much a back-slider sometimes. I consider myself to be me. The term "religious" makes me think of Catholics, or people who take their religion pretty darn seriously. I more think of God as a friend; you wouldn’t call me "religious" if I happened to enjoy being around a particular friend, would you? It’s not like I totally conform myself to suit his interests; I have separate views and all from him, I think. We have our likes and differences. But, that’s what draws us to each other. It’s pretty cool, you know? :3
Describe your confidence. Every aspect. How much you have in your clothing, body, social skills etc.
Clothing: I have a bit of confidence in my clothing. Some pieces, not so much. Each article of clothing effects me differently; if I’m wearing sweatpants and a hoodie, it makes me feel crappy. I loose confidence then. However, if I wear super high heals and tights and try to dress creatively, I feel very confident. Though… sometimes on those days I sneak fuzzy slippers along with me to school, just in case my feet begin to hurt.
Body: I’m confident in my body, every bit of it. I used to feel a bit insecure about some things, however I got over that insecurity and have grown to apriciate it. I love everything about myself, and would never, ever change anything- well, there is the yeast in my intestines. I mean, most people get yeast infections other places but mine is inside of me and when I eat too much sugar, it makes me rather drunk. It also leads to other things, such as sometimes I’ll get random bumps on my skin, or random shivers, or stretch-headaches. I’ll also become a total bum if I have too much sugar; I lose all my initiative, and then I become depressed. So, perhaps I feel a little bit insecure about that.
Social Skills: This is an area where I am not very confident in. I am friendly enough, I think, but there are a lot of times when I find myself at a loss for words. Lots of people overwhelm me; I’ll either be very quiet, and sometimes put in a small bit into a conversation then feel dreadfully awkward about it, or I’ll become a total psycho (depends on sugar intake and whether or not I’m on my meds.)
Speaking of meds… Adderal. I am not confident in that area, in fact, I’m terrified. I’m very dependent on it right now, but what about when I get older? I don’t want to stick around in one area too long, which means I probably won’t be getting medications, which means I probably won’t be getting my meds. I’m scared of what I’ll be like without it. Maybe I’ll take an emergency bottle along with me and use it very sparingly, like it’s magic or something.
Art: Semi confident. I love to make art, but then I end up comparing it to other peoples art. I’m starting to get over this, though, as I mature in my artistic skill. x)
Face: I don’t go to school without makeup on; even if it’s just foundation, I must wear something. This is either because I am insecure of my blemishes or because my blemishes are not who I am, therefore they oughtn’t have a chance to speak; I think it’s the latter. I don’t particularly mind them, however… the are fun to have about, I think. But! They are not me, so I hide them.
Leadership: Don’t talk to me. I am such a follower. Not confident in this area at all.
Modeling: I’m rather confident; I get a bit shy around photographers though, and become rather quiet, I think. This, though, is probably more of social skills then not; I can pose easily for the camera.
Religion: Not confident at all. I have a bit of confidence in Christianity, but there are other religions that I want to experiment a bit with. However, I feel guilty when I become overwhelmed by one of them, like Hinduism for example. It is dreadfully complex! Christianity, however, is also very complicated, or, is becoming complicated. I don’t know what I ought to believe about Hell, and I think that’s a pretty serious matter if I am to be a decent Christian. There are other aspects, also, which confuse and perplex me. What I need is a relationship: me and God and that’s that. A friendship. And, that’s what I consider Christianity, on the most part, to be… until we get all into its theology!
Writing: Not too confident… sometimes I fear that I am overconfident. Then I reread my work and hate it.
Baking: No way. I am dreadful and kill everything I try to make.
Diligence: A very weak area for me; I lack lots of confidence here…
Intelligence: I don’t really consider myself to be an intellectual. I get foul grades, I lose interest in things like Trig, and… I think I am more fascinated by other people’s intelligence other then my own. Other people are so smart and eloquent, whereas I sit back and watch and listen.
First off, I think you ought to ask him yourself, because he is far more eloquent with words then I am. What he will tell you will most likely make a lot better sense then anything that I could possibly say. However, I would like to explore the concept a bit, so I’ll try to answer your question. Ready for an essay?
So you say that science aims to disprove God? My dad isn’t necessarily a follower of that statement. Many people try to use science to disprove God, and perhaps (this is just me saying this, I’m not exactly sure what Dad would say) this is because the Church can be rather reluctant at times to admitting that scientifically, they are wrong. Such as Ptolemy’s whole flat earth deal that the Church insisted upon keeping about for quite a while. Also, the Church is rather haughty; Darwin hurt their ego a bit with the evolution theory. “God created man in his own image!” they scream. So much time has passed since then, and even now there are many Christians who will blow a fuse just hearing the ‘monkey’. Many are naive and chose to stay that way, and their blindness towards the subject is rather comical at times. I watched a documentary called “Lord, Save Us From Your Followers”, and in it was a section where the guy who made the documentary set up a game show called Culture Wars. ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0D9XyuT-DB8 ) The first round was played by two teams: The Liberal Media Elite and the Young Conservatives, the Young Conservatives also being generally… very Christian. One of the questions was “Name the most intriguing aspect of Darwin’s theory of evolution.” What did the Young Conservatives say? “Big Bang,” all four of them, simultaneously. Ouch. Many have no idea what they’re talking about, and then they say things- stupidly.
This is my theory as to why people use science as a reason to disprove Christianity: Christians hate to look at other viewpoints. They take things literally. They don’t acknowledge the fact that perhaps the Bible is figurative.
Science and the Bible, though, do have plenty of things in common. The book of Genesis was written thousands of years ago, and yet it nails the creation of things. Science agrees with it on the order: light, separation of light and darkness, water / atmosphere, separating dry land from the ocean, vegetation, the Heavens, water creatures, birds, land creatures, man, then woman. (The site I got this from is: http://www.christiananswers.net/q-eden/edn-ordercreation.html . It’s a very creationist site, but I thought it was rather funny when it came down to woman; it said: “Saving the best for last?” Cute.) The only place where the two butt heads is the 7 days issue. Many Christians, like my dad, believe that these days are only figurative. This is a serious divider when it comes to the Church because there still are lots and lots of seven day creationists out there who take the days very literally! Dad’s a believer in evolution and the Big Bang, also. They make lots of sense, there’s plenty of evidence for both! For evolution, my mom once told me, “You know, I don’t think I’d mind if God took his time in making me. It makes me feel all the more special.” The Bible also says that God made man from the dust. It doesn’t say “dry dust”, it just says “dust”. It could’ve been wet dust, and yes, it could’ve been at the bottom of the ocean, and yes, it could’ve taken plenty of steps in its transformation until it was perfect! But… people are stubborn and don’t want to believe that. They want to think that they were perfect right away. Science makes them look like nut cases, yes.
Another factor in why my dad believes the way he does is the mere reason that he enjoys physics. Physics holds everything in the universe together, it is complex and mind boggling. If one little thing hadn’t happened the way it did, the Universe could fall to pieces. It is totally insane how it all works out, and then also, how physics, the holder together of life, the universe, and everything, can be applied to human relationships! Metaphysics takes the rules of physics and puts them into operation to explain human nature, and it all still works out. This system is unbelievably improbable and couldn’t have possibly happened at random; there had to have been some sort of intelligent mind behind it all; some sort of very, very, very intelligent mind. And that is the most prominent factor that makes it impossible for Dad to be totally into science and not be religious.
Yeah, faith is great. But, life is so beautiful and complicated that there has to be some sort of other meaning out there then just pure existence. Notice all the religions all over the place! People naturally feel inclined, I think, to follow some sort of higher power. My dad has chosen Christianity as his choice belief system, and I’m glad for it; I can’t possibly imagine him as anything else. I’m sure if he were something else, he would be abnormally groovy and amazing at it, but he’s so in love with life and physics and God that I’d hate for him to change! He’s my hero… that is that, this is over. Maybe not the issue, but my essay. Good bye! 🙂
December 30, 2010
I look up from my laptop. The colors and the warmth of the kitchen flood my eyes and body and soul- the glisten of reflected light on a metallic lid catches my eye, then a pine cone hung from the ceiling, dangling below a light, the warmth of the candles against the cold windows shines but is made into a warm golden blur against the curtains. It’s all so surreal. This- is this the world I’ve been put in? Where my life was made to be spent? It is too good to be true- I glance into the glowing laptop screen, then try to pull away from it again. My head tilts and spins slowly around until it drifts back down, facing the screen- my eyes burn. I blink and a white rectangle glows and splits and multiplies over and over and over again. Each time I blink the many white rectangles are in different positions. My nose is stuffy, the screen is sucking my forehead into it. My throat trembles as I let out a cough. I look up and concentrate on the shadows made by one of the curtains which is being pulled back in- in… I cannot come up with the words to describe it. It is only a picture- berries? But, wooden. There are many folds, many shapes, distorted triangles, or squares, rectangles- my cheeks buzz. When I eat, my body seems to tighten into its normal self- normal? Awakened, lively self. I glance out the window at my own reflection, it’s darkened. I sigh. How is it that the world around me is gentle with my eyes, and with my body and my mind, but the computer screen tears it up, slashes against my eyes with knives and beats my temples with sledgehammers- why is the computer screen so addicting? I close my eyes. I see the white triangles. My eyes burn, burn, burn… I have to open them. I blink, my stomach hurts… I hurt. But, my pain doesn’t matter to me. No, not when I stare blankly into the computer screen, letting it absorb my soul, my pain…
December 21, 2010
I had a thought the other day that perhaps we aren’t the only ones living in our bodies, but that every part of us has a soul- mayhaps the most prominent (but not most important) soul is in our brains, but there are other minds that every other part of us has, and our bodies are more like cities. However, our souls and the other souls are all connected, just like people are all connected on earth, and manage to maintain our bodies- sometimes we get sick, and it’s because the little dudes inside us (and probably us too) had a war or disagreement or something, and it effected the whole body.
I’ve started to physically feel emotional things, and in this have become emotionally stable, or, emotionaless.
Have you ever felt physically hurt by a tone of voice, or if someone says your name in an angry manner when you’re not expecting it, or maybe you are, but it sends shivers and pain throughout you and a lump in your throat grows, but you don’t feel upset or any emotions at all, really- it’s just that emotions have turned into physical things instead of soulful things- so that you can keep a calm composure or a smile on your face, and pretend that voices aren’t beating you up? And, if you sit really still, you feel yourself floating out side of your body, but not too far- like it’s attached somehow, glued, or something of the sort? Or, like you’re in jello, and slowly sinking into it, and it is alive, and has a pulse? Oh gosh… >_< I need to sleep. 2nd day w/ out sleeping, and, Adderall isn’t making me sane right now- just keeps me awake. My body feels the things it does when it’s tired, but the part of me that tells me to sleep is wide awake. Goodness gracious.
December 16, 2010
AP English 11
Taking Sanctuary in Corruption
Corruption looms around the world like a thick fog; it is nearly impossible to be good without some deeply hidden evil motive. Because it is so impossible to be good (and can be somewhat of a bore as well), there are many people who drop ‘good’ and allow corruption to take complete control; corruption provides scandal and excitement and allows a person to feast upon their selfish desires and whims. It destroys a person and destroys the people they come in contact with, and like a fog, it confuses and blinds people to the truth of what is really happening. Corruption was manifested into the lives of the people of Memphis in William Faulkner’s haunting book, Sanctuary– and although everyone saw the gruesome fog in others, they were clouded to the obvious infestation of corruption in their own selves.
Whether asked for or not, corruption makes its home in the hearts and minds of every person. It breaks down their morality bit by bit until its crumbled pieces disintegrate into the deepest layer of the earth of a person’s soul. It is up to the person’s will to decide how long it will take for corruption to complete this task and if it will finish; it always starts the process. The will is weaker in different people depending on the events that life has ensured them to go through. One of Faulkner’s main characters, Popeye, was born to a woman whose husband left her. She remarried and that husband left her as well. One day Popeye’s grandmother took him to town. She left him in a car, then was given matches from a police officer and with these matches, she burned her house down. Popeye’s mother was terrified that Popeye had been in the house, and believed at times Popeye was dead, even when she held him in her arms (Faulkner 323). After the incident, Popeye was watched part time by the woman who found him in her car. She took the boy to a doctor, who reported that he could never drink alcohol and could never be a man. Popeye ran away from the woman and was put into a home for incorrigible children when it was discovered that he was cutting up animals with scissors (Faulkner 324). These events marked corruption’s foothold on Popeye’s soul. Popeye couldn’t enjoy pleasures that most men could, such as drinking alcohol and making love, and this made him feel awkward in a world where those things were worshiped; many a man’s life was built around these things and the poor man had to find a way to make up for it. He spent a lot of life at the brothel. He was a fascinating case for Miss Reba, the owner of the brothel, because he wouldn’t be with a woman, yet he’d spend money on all the whores, and some of them would even have paid to have a room with him. “Every girl in the district has been trying to get him, honey,” she told Temple. “There’s one, a little married woman slips down here sometimes, she offered Minnie twenty-five dollars just to get him into the room, that’s all. But do you think he’d so much as look at one of them? Girls that have took in a hundred dollars a night (Faulkner 152).” Popeye was surrounded by sex, yet couldn’t partake in the activity. Corruption then used Popeye to break down Temple Drake’s morality when she was abandoned at a bootleggers’ house. He found her to be irresistible and raped her with a corncob, since he couldn’t have sex with her. She saw him shoot Tommy, a man who also spent much of his life at the bootleggers house, then Popeye took her to Miss Reba’s brothel where he brought a young and attractive man named Red to have sex with her while he eagerly watched. Because of this, she lost respect for Popeye and developed a lusty appetite for Red, and Popeye, out of jealousy, took Temple to a dance where Red was at and shot him in the head. Temple Drake started as a curious girl who lived for adventure and fun, but when Popeye kidnapped her, corruption developed a very firm grip upon her. She became addicted to alcohol and sex, and at the trial where Goodwin was accused of murdering Tommy, she knowingly condemned the man to his death by testifying against him.
Hypocrisy is a defect found in almost every human on the planet. This flaw can be very prominent in a person, but can also be result of a life event that causes a change of direction on the path of a person’s life. It isn’t always a negative thing; a person could decide to quit doing drugs after participating in an intense campaign for the legalization of them. However, in Faulkner’s books, hypocrisy is never used in that manner, and neither is it used much in life because corruption can be so delightful that no one ever whole-heatedly wants to let it go. Scandal is a delicious topic of conversation. When Ruby Lamar and Lee Goodwin arrived in Memphis after reporting Tommy’s murder, their previous affair and baby sparked a spreading flame of gossip amongst the townsfolk. Goodwin had been accused of killing Tommy himself, even though he was the one who reported the incident (Faulkner 118) and because of the scandal of the affair, it became impossible to clear his name of the murder. At the end of the book, an angry mob formed in front of the prison and Goodwin was burned to death (Faulkner 310, 311). The people set all the troubles in Memphis on Goodwin that night because they knew for a fact that he was corrupted. They did not look upon their own selves, at their own corruption. The scandal became more important to them then their own histories and lives, that is what they dwelled upon, and Goodwin became a sacrifice; when he was killed, so were their own sins. Corruption had seeped into their souls and made them blind to their own iniquities.
Corruption is delicious and blinding. It steals inside of a person and destroys their innocence piece by piece, and people welcome it with open arms. William Faulkner’s book, Sanctuary, is a beautiful illustration of the filth of corruption as it puts it on display- it devastates the life of one person, and the lives of the people around them. It’s an on spreading disease and takes them over, one by one by one by everyone. No person can ever escape corruption, not unless they die at birth, because there is another term that used for the word corruption. That term is simply known as: growing up.